Feast of Doom
by Feebop
Summary: The Tallest have a plan to get rid of ZIM...a "deliciously" evil plan.
1. Act One Scene One

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Okay, I do own a fairly nice car and some pets and stuff and I just bought a frappucino..but as for IZ, that's Viacom's. (Sadly).**

**Anyway, please enjoy my first IZ fic! I'd also seriously appreciate some reviews, for the record.**

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INT. Massive ship

_RED AND PURPLE are on the phone with DERUNA, QUEEN of the MANTIS._

PURPLE: Finally! Zim will have no way out of this one.

RED: Shh - let the lady talk.

DERUNA: We expect a better effort this year, Irkens. Your last shipment of Defectives may have been satisfactory, but our Moon Ball is attended by only the finest nobles on Manti. Our taste is keener than the common Manti's. We'll only need one of your sacrifices, and it must be a perfect one.

RED: Oh, not to worry, Deruna.  
_  
__DERUNA glares at the camera._

DERUNA: "Not to worry", who?

RED: S-sorry, Queen Deruna. But Zim, yeah, he's tasty, all right. He's delicious!

PURPLE: He really is! One time, I bit him! And it was...yum.

_DERUNA looks unimpressed._

DERUNA: Have you Irkens a picture of him?

_PURPLE holds up a photo of ZIM from his files. It has him stamped as a Defective. DERUNA licks her teeth in thought, revealing fangs._

DERUNA: Looks scrawny. This is really the best you have? Have you no one bigger?

PURPLE: No! Er, yes, but - he may look tiny in this photo, but he's only ... this big in this photo! Besides, I'm sure your court can fatten him up in time for the feast.

_DERUNA groans._

DERUNA: Send him over, then. But don't forget what I said before: this Zim had better make the perfect meal for me, or next decade's feast will feature Liver of Tallest!  
_  
The Tallest let out short screams._

PURPLE: YES MA'AM!

_DERUNA chuckles, looking satisfied, and hangs up._

PURPLE: I know we're the Tallest and everything…and we're not supposed to cower…

RED: Cower all you want, that chick is crazy. So, you wanna do the honors?  
_  
__PURPLE sighs and dials ZIM on the screen._

PURPLE: Why do I feel like we don't get paid enough?

_ZIM appears onscreen in a girl outfit._

ZIM: Greetings, my Tallest! Forgive me, for you have caught me in the middle of –  
_  
__RED and PURPLE flail their hands around and groan, assuring ZIM they do not want to know what he's been up to._

RED: Zim, we're glad we reached you. Deruna, Queen of the Mantis, has requested your assistance on the Planet Manti. YOUR assistance – as in, you, Zim. And no one else.

ZIM: Manti? My Tallest, I've never heard of such a place.

RED: Manti. You know? One of our sister planets? Thirty million miles away?

_ZIM blinks. He's wearing a lot of mascara. RED sighs._

RED: The one we don't really like to talk about.

PURPLE: They kicked our butt in the Great Battle of Manti. Thanks for reminding us, Zim!

_ZIM pulls the bow off of his head and wipes off his lipstick. GIR catches the bow and raises his fists._

GIR (low voice, a clear imitation of ZIM). Victoryyy!

ZIM: But my Tallest, what about my mission?

RED: Your whaa? OH, right, conquering Earth. Well, uh, this mission won't take more than a few weeks. Earth will be right where you left it when you return.

PIRPLE: Yeah, and we promise we won't reassign your mission to anyone.

_GIR dances around the base with the bow, shrieking._

ZIM: Another special mission, heh heh. This queen has excellent taste. I vow to affirm my reputation that has spread so impressively to the farthest corners of the universe. And I will make Irk proud! Thank you, my Tallest. Zim out!  
_  
__ZIM salutes. The screen fades to static. The TALLEST smile wickedly at one another.__  
_  
RED: Did he say "taste"?

PURPLE: Yep!


	2. Act One Scene Two

**Thank you to Invader Johnny for the review! Please enjoy the rest.**

**One little note here: this is not a ZimxOC story, though there are hints of romance; however, it's more an animal/alien attraction than an outright romance, and as this is not OOC (or really isn't supposed to be), don't expect any gush.**

**Please enjoy and please review, everybody!**

* * *

_Cut to Voot Cruiser. We see ZIM skid to a stop at a tollbooth that floats midair in space, and proceed toward Manti's spaceport. Manti is a pretty yellow planet on the outside. Within, we see it is occupied by a blue Irkenoid people with white, human-like hair. ZIM zooms through their planet at street-level,__GIR__plastered to the window and staring out. MANTIs go about their daily lives, shopping and selling in a fairy tale kingdom fashion. GIR smiles with his mouth wide open._  
ZIM: Now where can we find this Queen?

_A palace unfolds in ZIM's view._

ZIM: THERE! Can't you feel my glorious reputation bubbling to a simmer, GIR?

_GIR screams. __Cut to the MANTI PALACE. A MANTI GUARD sees ZIM's arrival through from a watchtower._

MANTI GUARD: I see 'em, Queen! Queen? Tell the Queen!

_In Voot Cruiser, ZIM looks for a parking space as he nears the Palace._

GIR: Where's my piggy? He said he was coming!

ZIM: I told you, you could bring one toy on this trip, and you picked your Octopus. And why is your head all wet?

GIR: I fell in the toilet, why?

ZIM: Ugh...why was I cursed with such a sorry robot?

GIR: SORRY!  
_Cut to MANTI PALACE, where much of the court has gathered to witness ZIM's arrival._

GUARD (O.S) Bow before the mighty Deruna!

_A short fanfare sounds. QUEEN DERUNA walks gracefully out of the palace and sits on her throne. The CROWD lies prostrate. DERUNA snaps her fingers and her ADVISOR, slender and sinister, approaches her throne._

DERUNA: Is he late, do you think?

ADVISOR: You know how parking can be around Feast Time, my lady.

DERUNA: Indeed. The Irkens tell me he's a great idiot. They told him he was an Invader just to get him off their planet.

_The ADVISOR laughs._

ADVISOR: And I thought the Tallest were fools!

DERUNA: Indeed. Brace yourself, for soon we will be dealing with an idiot among idiots.

_Somewhere in the distance, we hear ZIM and GIR screaming and the Voot Cruiser's breaks failing. The sounds grow louder and louder._

GIR (O.S) Weeeehoooo!

ZIM (O.S) SHUTUPGIRYOU'RRNOTHELPING -

_The Voot Cruiser crashes onto the Palace's roof. Agonized cries are heard from within; noises of chaos follow. DERUNA looks quizzically up, not moving from her throne. ZIM's arm emerges from the smoke and damage._

ZIM: ZIM (coughing) can pay for that! If not today, once planet Earth is under my control.

_ZIM slides down a column and smiles proudly at DERUNA; GIR bellyflops behind him afterward with a gleeful "OUCH!"._

DERUNA: Zim?

ZIM: Yes! I AM ZIM! I am an Elite soldier of the Irken Army, the conqueror of Earth, and - well, generally speaking, I'm just amazing. What was it, again? Queen … Phoebe?

MANTI GUARD #3: You will kneel before Deruna, Queen of the Mantis, little green worm!

_The GUARD pushes ZIM to the ground. ZIM grunts in protest. DERUNA stands and raises a hand._

DERUNA: Please.

_She approaches ZIM._

DERUNA: Welcome to our humble planet, Lord Zim! You are even greater than I expected.

ZIM: Surely.

DERUNA: Spin around so that I might see you in all your glory.

ZIM: Very well, Queen, though if I were you, I'd prepare myself to be overwhelmed with gloriousness.

_ZIM strikes a couple of poses. The KITCHEN STAFF, among the onlookers, scrutinize him from afar._

ZIM: As you can see, Queen, I reek of nobility and power.

_DERUNA smiles, a toothy smile dripping with venom, and kneels to ZIM's level._

DERUNA: I've just met you, little Zim, and already I can see you will be of great help to my planet. I am ... very impressed.

ZIM (a bit thrown by DERUNA's closeness). Heh? Uh- of course you are! There is much to be impressed with, after all.

DERUNA (squeezes ZIM's cheek). What a charming soldier you are!

_DERUNA stands. ZIM looks unsteady._

DERUNA (cont.) Very well. My maids, take the mighty Zim to his chambers, and be sure he is made as comfortable as possible.

_The onlooking MANTIs cheer. DERUNA snaps her fingers and a group of attractive MANTI MAIDS hoists ZIM up and carries him into the palace. GIR soon joins him; he's waving at the crowd._

ZIM: Ooh, yes, cheer for ZIM.. This is marvelous. They adore me, GIR! Once I have finished saving their planet, they will make me their King! I just know it! Look how they fawn over me! ZIM has conquered Manti in less than five minutes!

_ZIM's eyes bulge; he notices DERUNA blowing him a kiss from her throne. He smiles drunkenly again._

ZIM: …and I think I have found myself a queen.

….


	3. Act One Scene Three

**Welcome to Act One, Scene Three! As you can see, this is in screenplay form, just because I like to imagine it's as much like a real IZ episode as possible. FF seems to have changed its rules regarding screenplay form anyway.**

**Thanks to Tallest Cora and Invader Johnny for the reviews! Please keep them coming, they make me so happy. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_INT. Manti Palace, in a room adorned with marble and comfy chairs. Four MANTI women with cascading white braids and tattoos giggle as they tend to ZIM, who sits on a giant beanbag chair. He is being fanned by two MAIDS while the other two take turns feeding him._

ZIM: AT LAST! ZIM is being worshipped as he was always meant to be...worshipped! About time. YOU! PEON! Fan me some more and –

_He pauses; a female MANTI maid has stuffed his mouth full of a fudgy-looking sweet. He sputters a bit, but then gives in to the taste and gulps._

ZIM (cont): I forbid you to interrupt my speech with food again! Though it was quite good.  
At this, the eager MANTIS maids force the sweet into ZIM's mouth three pieces at a time. Though he squirms due to the force, he swallows.

_The MAIDS exchange wicked glances and hand ZIM a block of the candy, which he noms as he speaks._

ZIM (cont): Tell me of the mission your queen has called me here so specifically to do.

MANTI #1: We don't know what our lady has planned for you, but we know it's going to be vital to the Empire.

MANTI #2: Our queen fought tooth and claw to have you here! She announced your arrival with tears in her eyes, announcing our salvation was near at last.

_GIR enters with a plate of food and sets it before ZIM; he runs back out again, only to bring in more. We see him do this again and again, bringing more every time._

GIR: La la la la la!

ZIM: Your Queen is a wise Manti.

MANTI #1: How sure she was that you'd be an amazing -

ZIM: - mate?

MANTI #1: What?

_ZIM clears his throat and keeps eating. MANTI #2 nudges #1.__  
_

MANTI #2: Does your honor think he's worthy of courting our queen?

ZIM: How dare you question my worthiness! Your good queen adores me, I can clearly see, for who would not desire the mighty Zim as a mate?

_MANTI #1 looks questioningly at #2, who looks revolted, as if to say "everyone".__  
_

GIR: I getted you crackers!

_GIR shrieks.__  
_

GIR: Forgot the cheeeeese.

_We get a full shot of ZIM's loveseat and the countless platters of food that he's been brought. He blatantly enjoys the food, sampling a bit from each plate._

MANTI #2. We apologize, your magnificence. Have you tried the shnoockleberry custard? It's excellent.

_Both MANTIS hold him spoons of the pink custard and take turns popping it in ZIM's mouth. ZIM smacks his lips and considers the taste._

ZIM: Excellent indeed. Your master needs a break. I have a ... sensitive stomach.

GIR: Need the bucket?

ZIM: Nah, I'm fine.

MANTI #1: With all due respect, "Master", don't you wish to enjoy the food some more? It's the best cuisine in the galaxy.

ZIM: Delicious or not, I said, I am full. Surely your queen doesn't want a blob fighting for her people. I must stay quick and eat only enough to nourish myself.

_The MANTI MAIDS look worried._


	4. Act One Scene Four

**Hello readers! Thanks for your reviews/faves, and sorry it's been a few days. I wanted to make sure it was exactly the way I wanted it before I posted it, but I didn't know exactly how I wanted it.**

**Anyways, review and enjoy!**

* * *

_A round, dark blue MANTI in a chef's uniform leads QUEEN DERUNA and her ADVISOR through the kitchen of the MANTI palace. Manti kitchen drones, who are as short and unimportant as Irken drones, are hard at work on food, probably most of which is intended for ZIM. As they walk, the ADVISOR shows the CHEF pictures of ZIM and charts that have been drawn to track his growth._

ADVISOR: This is the Irken Pig today. If we reach Step 5 in three days, he will outgrow the biggest pot in the galaxy and we'll have to roast him.

CHEF: Ooh, but I can do a lovely marinade that complements Irken meat beautifully!

_The ADVISOR groans and smacks the CHEF._

ADVISOR: You blubbering fool. Only a meat stew will feed the entire party.

DERUNA: Your last roast was most delicious, Chef. And there will be more than enough meat to go around, you idiot.

_The CHEF squeals with delight, very high-pitched, kind of obnoxious. The ADVISOR glares at him._

CHEF: Your highness, I will prepare a crème de squeedilyspooch with Meekrob clover honey and smooth cream for dessert if you wish!

DERUNA: Ah, you always know my favorites. Give him lots of imple cider to make his squeedilyspooch nice and crisp.

CHEF. Yes, milady. (to the SOUS chef) Brew some imple cider for the Irken Pig! And is tonight's prune-pizza finished yet?

SOUS CHEF: Dunno, the new prep was assigned to it.

_The SOUS points to GIR, who is wearing an overly-large chef hat and humming while stirring dough._

DERUNA: Isn't that -?

ADVISOR: Yes, milady, it is.

DERUNA glides to GIR with a gentle, bloodthirsty smile.

DERUNA: Excuse me, dear little SIR. Do you not belong to the Irken?

GIR: No lady, I belong to Master.

_GIR resumes stirring. DERUNA turns him around and shows him the pictures they are using to track Zim's growth._

GIR: That's him! I likes dat guy!

DERUNA: What a clever bot you are. Are you helping these nice Mantis cook for your master?

GIR: No, Master's not eating anymore.

DERUNA: Not eating? WHAT? Why would he deny the greatest when he thinks he is worthy of the greatest?!

GIR: Because you're his first mate. He's a pirate now, y'know.

DERUNA stares at him in confusion. GIR stares back, tongue hanging out.

GIR: I'm busy now, so you can come back later.

_GIR resumes stirring again. DERUNA's eyes flash; she grabs GIR by the scruff of his apron and holds him close to her face._

DERUNA: As a SIR, is it not your duty to make sure your Master is well-cared-for? Ensure your Master is fed, erring SIR, or we'll have your brain put in a lawn mower.

GIR: Heh, weasel.

_Looking aghast, DERUNA drops GIR. She begins to hyperventilate. Her face grows purple, and with a low growl, she throws her crown to the floor._

DERUNA: That - SIR - told me the Pig won't eat! UGH!

ADVISOR: Your highness, that SIR is clearly defective. The Irkens must not have wanted to waste a fully-functional SIR on the Pig.

DERUNA: No matter! The Pig is suspicious! He won't be fattened in time for the feast, I just know it. Oh, my poor nerves...you! My smelling salts. NOW!

_She grabs a frightened KITCHEN DRONE, who yelps and runs. The CHEF and ADVISOR grab her arms and pet them soothingly._

ADVISOR: Now, now, my lady, all will be well!

CHEF: Oh yes. We must simply analyze the situation and ask ourselves why the Pig will not eat -

ADVISOR: Shut up, no one likes you. My Queen, we must simply analyze the situation and ask ourselves why the Pig will not eat.

DERUNA (sniffling): Well, the disabled SIR said it's because I'm his "first mate" or some other nonsense.

CHEF: His mate?

_The CHEF squeals in excitement again._

CHEF: Your highness! I have a terrific idea!

_The CHEF whispers in DERUNA's ear. _

DERUNA: I don't know why you're whispering..but I like this plan. Oh ho, I like it...


	5. Act One Scene Five

**Enjoy and review! **

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_Cut to the FEEDING ROOM. ZIM, still in his beanbag chair, is looking a little bloated and not very happy. The MAIDS giggle as they stuff his face. Finally, ZIM growls and leaps up from the chair, sending plates of food flying_.

ZIM: THAT'S ENOUGH! I will be tempted no more by your ambrosial Manti deliciousness. It's starting to make my amazing belly swell.

_A robotic manservant enters with a martini glass._

ROBOTIC MANSERVANT: Imple cider, my Lord?

ZIM: Mmm, don't mind if I do.

_ZIM grabs the glass and chugs it. His eyes pop open once he realizes what he's just done, and he drops the glass, which shatters._

ZIM: NO MORE OF THIS! If I didn't know any better, I'd say you strange blue beings were trying to make me as fat as an expectant mama slorbees. Nobody makes a fat fool of Zim!

_DERUNA appears in the doorway and clears her throat. Eyes dry and crown in tact, she has composed herself since her outburst in the kitchen. ZIM promptly bows._

ZIM: Ah! My Queen! I was wondering when you'd come to visit me again. We must discuss your plans for me.

_ZIM steps aside and gestures to the chair, inviting DERUNA to sit._

DERUNA: My goodness, aren't you charming! Discuss we will. I pray you sit down and sample a crumpet.

_DERUNA leads ZIM back to the chair; the MAIDS scurry away. ZIM stuffs the crumpets into his mouth as he speaks to DERUNA._

ZIM: My Tallest - *omnomnom* - sent me here on a special - *munch, munch, urp* - mission because they said - *nomchompnom* - you asked specifically for me.

DERUNA: That I did. There is a very special mission planned for you.

ZIM: A special mission, indeed, for a special Queen. I mean -

_ZIM looks confused by his own words. A blush creeps across his face. DERUNA gives a dry laugh._

DERUNA: I had no idea Irkens were so gentlemanly!

ZIM: Gentlemanly, yes! And maybe even - kingly? Your fair planet is ruled so well, my Queen. I can tell you work hard to keep it so. But do you ever feel like you need help?

DERUNA: Why, Zim, I believe you want to be my King.

_More MAIDS enter with food, as if in response. They surround ZIM with trays of food yet again._

ZIM: Don't be silly, you're imagining it, Zim needs no one.

DERUNA: But you admit my planet is special, and that I am special.

ZIM: Zim *would* make an excellent mate. King.

DERUNA: There are qualifications that must be met by a Manti King, Zim. Good evening.

_DERUNA looks back at ZIM with an evil smile before gliding away. ZIM jumps up from his chair, outraged._

ZIM: Qualifications? There are no qualifications unmet by ZIM! She's crazy!

ROBOTIC MANSERVANT: My lord, her highness has recommended this prune pizza for you.

_ZIM looks around; something clicks._

ZIM: Aaaoohhh. It seems that your Queen does not desire a svelte King. I KNOW NOW WHY YOU SO STUFF ME – Deruna wants her mate to be fat. Fat Kings are good here on Manti, but no one told Zim? No matter. From now on, you all will feed me twice as much as you had been! Make me round like Dib the Earth-stink's head. Feed me! FEEEED ME!


	6. Act Two Scene One

**Invader Johnny - I'm glad you like Zim demanding to be fed. Poor, ignorant Zim.. but I can totally see GIR yelling that too! Thanks for your loyalty in reviewing.**

**TigerNinjaWarrior - Your review warmed me right down to my evil, twisted core. Thanks so much again!**

**Tallest Cora - Thank you, My Tallest! (Am I supposed to call you that?) It's great that you think Zim is in-character -I love his character and would NEVER want to screw it up. And Deruna would agree with you. If Zim ever became Deruna's king, she'd probably eat him before the wedding even happened. **

**DoughnutRing - Thanks! I love that type of IZ fanfic too. I hope you enjoy the rest!**

**Today when I went on yahoo, I noticed an ad for Taco Bell saying they now had waffles. I immediately pictured GIR asking Zim to take him there RIGHT AWAY! Hehe.**

**Anyway, Zim is hungry for food in this chapter and I am hungry for reviews. Bring it!**

* * *

_EXT. Massive Ship. _

Computer: Incoming transmission from Manti.

_INT. Massive Ship. The TALLEST pause their board game and give each other frightened looks. DERUNA'S ADVISOR pops up on the screen._

ADVISOR: Greetings, leaders of Irk! As you know, our Moon Feast will be held in two weeks from today, and we traditionally invite the elite of all our allies to this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Our Queen cordially extends her invitation to the Irken Tallest. Thank you!

_A lower-ranking MANTI rushes onscreen and whispers in the ADVISOR's ear._

ADVISOR: Oh, right. And our Queen also wants you to know that if Zim is stringy, she's going to roast the two of you instead. Hope to see you there!

_The screen fades to static._

RED: So do you wanna go to this party?

PURPLE: I dunno. I hate Zim as much as the next guy, but I don't wanna eat him. That's nasty.

RED: We don't have to eat him, you doofus. But we WILL get to see him get turned into soup.

PURPLE: Oh, right. Might be fun. Alright, I'll go.

_The TALLEST continue their board game._

_Cut to the HALL of the MANTI PALACE, just outside of ZIM's feeding room. DERUNA and the ADVISOR peak in on ZIM, whose cheeks have become rounder and arms pudgier. In addition, he's grown a bit of a beer gut. But he wears a content smile as he eats in his beanbag chair._

ADVISOR: It's _pathetic_! He actually thinks you'd consider him as a mate if he became large enough. He dares assume he can become a Manti King?

_ZIM wipes his mouth with his glove, sighs and pats his stomach. _

ADVISOR: Milady, once we have him soft enough, shall we take him to the Fattening Chamber?

DERUNA: No. Look at him - he's so happy. So deliriously happy.

_Inside the room, ZIM yells at a MAID who has started to take his plate of a squirming, wormlike pasta away. _

ZIM: Hey, I wasn't finished with that plooka! Don't you understand that the fatter I get the more KINGLY I get? Feed me.

DERUNA: I wouldn't want to ruin that for him - it would break his heart, tear it out.

ADVISOR: An appetizer?

DERUNA: No, keep him here - treat him like a king. In two weeks, he'll be "kingly" enough to feed our entire party...

ADVISOR: ..You like the chef more than me, don't you?

DERUNA: Shush.

_DERUNA, drooling, watches ZIM open wide and be fed, one hand resting on his inflating stomach._


	7. Act Two Scene Two

**Invader Nae - Wow, thanks so much! I am not Jhonen, but I'll gladly take the doughnuts. I'm happy you like it and hope you continue to enjoy. :)**

**Invader Johnny - LOOK MAMA, HE'S GONNA 'SPLODE!**

**DoughnutRing - Thanks so much! Glad you're enjoying it! And you're right..WHO WILL?!**

**Enjoy, ya'll! And review, ya'll!**

* * *

_Two weeks have passed. The streets of Manti are full of various species piling in to attend the Moon Feast. Banners and digital billboards flash the words "CENTENNIAL MOON BALL" and "MOON FEAST FT. IRKEN MEAT". We see Sergeant Hobo 678 approach the door of an INN and an old MANTI lady place a "NO VACANCY" sign on the door._

_Pan to the FEEDING ROOM. Zim, who has not moved from his beanbag chair since last we saw him, has grown enormously fat*. We hear him purring. His cheeks, even without a mouthful of food, are round, his arms loose with fat, his thighs bursting at the seams. His Invader uniform barely manages to hold his two giant rolls of belly fat, stretched right across his roundness. His usual group of FEEDERS leave him to digest, while an attractive MAID massages his antennae. He ceases his purr and looks around._

ZIM: GIR! I need you. GIR?

_ZIM's eye twitches; he reaches between his rolls and pulls GIR out of the abyss by the head. GIR's eyes are wide with bedazzlement._

GIR: I just had the most wonderful adventure...

ZIM (putting GIR down). There you are. The females are busy fetching me more food. I need a favor - as I can't get up.

GIR: Masta want a belly rub?

_GIR rubs ZIM's stomach in quick circles; ZIM slaps GIR away._

ZIM: Fetch your master his beautiful Deruna. And GIR, tell her it's important.

_GIR heads for the door._

ZIM: And GIR!

_GIR turns; ZIM smiles lazily._

ZIM: Ask her to bring a sandwich.

GIR: Otay, piggy-Master! Doo de do do do do dooo...

_GIR skips away, his feet squeaking on the floor. ZIM stretches in the beanbag chair, which collapses and deflates underneath him; he looks mildly confused._

* * *

INT. MANTI KITCHEN.

_GIR scampers into a kitchen full of hard-working cooks. There is a huge metal pot in the middle of the room._

GIR: ... do dee do do, looking for Deruna, doo dee do do ... she's not here. Oh well!

_GIR grabs a toque from a hook on the wall. Humming, he begins to help in the kitchen. The SOUS CHEF walks by, barking orders at each cook._

SOUS CHEF: You! Slice those vegetables! And you! Pound that pastry, you know how the Leader of the Charcungans, he loves his pounded pastry! And YOU! Didn't I tell you we weren't doing the marinade anymore?

GIR: Oh yeah.

_The SOUS pushes GIR over to the giant pot, into which vegetables are being chopped._

SOUS CHEF: Chop those veggies like a good prep. It has to be nice and flavorful for when the Irken Pig joins the recipe.

_The SOUS marches down the line. GIR happily chops until something occurs to him, and he freezes._

GIR: WAIT! Irken Pig? My Master is an Irken Pig! EEE NO THEY GONNA EAT MY MASTURRR!

_GIR runs around the pot screaming and babbling. Soon, he crashes into DERUNA, who has appeared in the kitchen with the ADVISOR and the CHEF._

GIR: Oh hi, Deruna! My master was looking for you.

_GIR resumes his "doo dee do do" song and his chopping vegetables._

ADVISOR: I'm so glad milady decided on the soup after all.

DERUNA. It shall be perfect.

CHEF: There is one concern we have ignored, milady -

DERUNA: - we?

CHEF: S-sorry, _I_ have ignored, milady. Our Pig has grown fatter than we'd planned. We'll have to go oil him up for him to fit in the pot.

_Pan to GIR, whose eyes are huge with terror as he eavesdrops._

ADVISOR: The fat fool is right. And hadn't milady go supervise? The Pig _did_ say he wanted you.

DERUNA: Oh yes. I had better go break the news to him, hadn't I?

ADVISOR: The news that he's your meat and not your mate?

_They all burst into laughter. _

DERUNA: Ahahahaha! Oh, you're such a funster.

GIR: EEE NO THEY GONNA EAT MY MASTURRR!


	8. Act Two Scene Three

**Hey ya'll! Short chapter tonight, I'm working hard on the rest of this thang and want it nice and exciting.**

**Invader Johnny - Yep, Zim's nice n' juicy now! And we shall see about his doomnation.**

**DoughnutRing - Thank YOU for reading and reviewing! And yes, way to go, GIR!**

**Invader Nae - Thanks for the doughnuts, they were delicious! I am beyond flattered that I remind you of anything like Jhonen, who is a master, so thanks SOO much for that too.**

**TallestCora - That's a good idea for a midquel! And wow, you really don't like Zim, do ya? Or maybe are just curious to see what he tastes like? xD**

**Enjoy and review and stuff!**

* * *

_ZIM's uniform has ridden up on his tummy since his last feeding, giving us a full view of the squishy green mountain. Now he's drawing on a map of the universe while muttering into the communicative device from his PAK. _

ZIM: Planet Manti's overtaking: check. Planet Earth's overtaking: almost there. First stop on the Path of Universal Conquest of Lord Zim and Queen Deruna: the Striped Planet! We'll work it out with Skutch later. I can hear the wedding sirens already.

MAID #1: Another splice cake, Lord Zim?

_ZIM accepts, gulps the furry cake down and raises his arms. _

ZIM: If only the Dib could see me now! Living a well-deserved life of pure luxury. Ooh, how he'd envy me...and how he'd envy my queenly mate!

_GIR runs in._

GIR: Master, are you food? Are you food and you didn't tell me? I love food.

ZIM: Are you crazy...er than usual? Of course I'm not food.

_GIR jumps onto one of the MANTIS._

GIR: But dey wanna eat you! I heard it, I heard it wit mah errs!

MANTI #3: Is your SIR broken, my liege?

ZIM: I haven't figured it out. Wait, GIR, did I not tell you to bring me my Deruna and a sandwich?

GIR: Deruna wants to eat you! I'm scared! *Please* listen to me!

_GIR's eyes flood with tears._

ZIM: For the last time, GIR - no one wants to eat me! Now two more cakes! My thighs need plumping.

_ZIM opens wide and continues to be fed. He spits onto an unlucky MANTI #2 when he sees DERUNA and a shower of COOKS enter with tape measures and oil. _

ZIM (waving his fat arms in delight): Deruna! My Deruna! I missed you, my star!

DERUNA:And I you, Zim.

ZIM: Have you noticed anything - *urp*, pardon me - different about your Zim? Namely that he's looking so wonderfully fat and robust?

_The MANTIS begin measuring ZIM and pinching out his best parts._

DERUNA (pinching one of ZIM's arms): You are looking healthier and healthier. And - (in a whisper) kinglier and kinglier.

ZIM: Heh heh, I know. Speaking of which, I have a proposition for you..

_GIR leaps between ZIM and DERUNA._

GIR: Please don't eat him, mean lady! I know he's grumpy sometimes, but I LOVES him!

ZIM: GIR! Get out of here!

ZIM waves him away with a sausage-like hand. GIR steps aside, still clinging onto ZIM.

ZIM: You'll have to excuse GIR, Deruna. He can be *so* paranoid. Eh?

_ZIM notices that the MANTIS have started to rub his exposed belly with oils and spices._

ZIM (con't): Complimentary belly rubs... neat!

DERUNA (giggling and patting ZIM's belly): You were saying?

ZIM: Yes, yes. Deruna, I've had your drones enplumpen me for awhile now, and have come to believe I am worthier than EVER to become your King.

DERUNA: And my mate?

ZIM: Yes, your mate too. My feelings for you are stronger than what is allowed on Irk. So...will you have me?

DERUNA: Indeed I will!

ZIM (pumping his fist): YEEESS!

DERUNA: And I can't wait to taste you.

ZIM: Me neither! You'll see, it will all be wonderful. We'll live the life we were both meant to WHAT DO YOU MEAN, TASTE ME?!

DERUNA: ...Look around.

**DERUNA backs away from ZIM and into the crowd of MANTIs. Everyone looks as hungry and pleased as she does. ZIM's eyes widen in terror; we see GIR's eyes flash red as he scurries away.**


	9. Act Two Scene Four

**Invader Johnny - Let's hope a miracle occurs, then. Thanks for the review!**

**Guest - Thanks for the review, and poor Zim indeed.**

**Invader Nae - Thanks for reviewing! Spot on about Zim - he's the cutest idiot ever! So cute I could eat him up...or write about him getting eaten up.**

**TallestCora - Thanks for the review! That WOULD have been a good idea, but I personally think Deruna wanted to watch him get betrayed. She's sick like that. And yum, doom!**

**DoughnutRing - Thanks for the review, your patience and your patronage! I do appreciate it. I was wondering the same thing. Realistically, he'd probably laugh and encourage Deruna to enjoy her meal (after taking lots of pictures to take back to Earth). And yes, poor Zim! Will his ego finally be cut down to size after being so brutally spurned? I don't feel rushed, thanks so much though. :)**

**Sorry for the wait, everyone! This chapter took awhile. Enjoy and review! Also, say hello to Skoodge, who, as in canon, is living in Zim's basement.**

* * *

_ZIM stares at DERUNA in terror, the truth dawning on him._

ADVISOR: Shall I tell the men to prepare the Feast Barge, milady?

DERUNA: Indeed! I'd say the main course is ready.

ZIM: The main course? My queen, you can't eat me!

DERUNA: Poor, naive Irken Pig. You're so tender, we can't resist you.

ZIM: B-but you- my mate –THIS IS NOT A CONSTRUCTIVE WAY TO EXPRESS AFFECTION!

DERUNA: You are not my mate. You are my meat.

ADVISOR: I wrote that.

ZIM: You're been planning to eat me the entire time! Haven't you? Admit it!

DERUNA: I do admit it.

ZIM: YOU'RE LYING!

DERUNA: Why else would I have made my servants fatten you up, Zim? The Moon Ball is tonight and you are to be our main course. My kitchen staff is preparing your pot.

ZIM: Fatten me up? Moon Ball? POT! You're gonna make me soup?

DERUNA: No, I meant we're making you *into* soup...but would you like some soup?

ZIM: NO! I won't have another *morsel* of your delectable trash. I shall escape! Just you watch!

_ZIM makes small, pathetic grunting noises while trying to inch his body off the ground. The MANTIS watch in silence, looking unimpressed._

ZIM (sweating): ZIM SHALL ESCAPE!

DERUNA: That's it, I've had enough of this. Roll him, boys!

_MENSERVANTS heave ZIM from his spot on the deflated beanbag chair and begin rolling him into the hall. As they roll him, ZIM screams in protest._

ZIM: NO! What do you think you're doing? I'm not food, I am ZIM! I am the almighty ZIM! When the Tallest hear that you tried to make soup out of the mighty Zim's tender meats - GIR! Defensive mode! GIR! SAVE ME!

* * *

_Cut to the WATCH TOWER of the palace and an entranceway to a wing we haven't seen before. Atop the tower, a four-armed SQUID MAN overlooks the troupe of MENSERVANTS that have put ZIM on a giant trolley and are moving him down the street as he yells and grunts in protest._

_Cut to an elevator in the PALACE GARAGE. GIR steps out of an elevator and enters the MANTI ship repair bay. It is a spacious room with MANTI mechanics fixing tanks and battleships. GIR hops out of the elevator unnoticed by MANTI workers. _  
GIR: Helloo! I need my Voot, where's my Voot? Anybody?

INTERCOM VOICE: Urgent message from the Queen: Prepare the Feast Barge.

_Workers in greasy overalls observe a large metal platform being lifted with a crane. _

GIR: Ooh, that's one big burrito.

_GIR hits himself on the head._

GIR: No tacos, Master's in trouble! I gotta do good! I gotta help my poor piggy Master!

_GIR shrieks with happiness as the VOOT CRUISER is revealed from behind the platform._

GIR: Don't worry Masta, I's comin'!

_GIR opens the VOOT and hops in, unnoticed by MANTIs._

GIR: YAY! ...What I do now? GottathinkgittathinkgottathinkGOTIT! Get me the Skoodge!

_Cut to ZIM's LAB. SKOODGE is drawing a virtual map of BLORCH when GIR pops up on the screen. _

SKOODGE: Oh, hey, GIR! Where's your master?

GIR: THEYGONNAEATHIMCURTAINSMYMASTERISINTROUBLEINEEDTAC OSANDYOURHELP! AHHH!

SKOODGE: Whoa, slow down! _What_ happened to Zim?

GIR: The blue guys are gonna eat up my Master, I told you! They gots cake and a big pot to boil him! I need to stop them before -

_GIR makes a perfect "O" face; the corrugated ceiling of the garage opens up and a propelled vehicle raises the FEAST PLATFORM up. It flies over ZIM, who is being wheeled in the trolley as though it, combined with his bulk, is reminiscent of a parade float rolling down the street of MANTI. DERUNA rides on the front of the trolley, waving jazz music plays throughout the planet, serving as some sort of anthem. It lands half a mile from where ZIM currently is. ZIM, who has been gazing at DERUNA, sees another helicopter device follow and lower the pot from the kitchen onto the surface. The pot is covered. ZIM, pale and shaking, nudges a GUARD._

ZIM: Eh, is that where they're planning to cook me?

_THE GUARD groans and drools in response. Cut back to GIR and SKOODGEs' transmission._

GIR: Y'see? That's where they're gonna cook 'em! I'm ascared, Skoodge.

_SKOODGE leaps down from his chair._

SKOODGE: They sent him to Manti! Those jerks make me want to - urgh, never mind. Computer, get me the Voot's remote command chair. Don't worry, GIR, I'll make sure your master doesn't end up as next week's leftovers. Now, pull out that keyboard and press, "zero, zero"...

GIR: Dookie time!

_GIR has suddenly acquired a sombrero, and is bouncing off the walls of the VOOT. __SKOODGE sighs._

SKOODGE: Zim might be in bigger trouble than I thought...

ZIM: Eh, is that where they're planning to cook me?


End file.
